God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
