Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i think my cat just said my name.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
