the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
