All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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