A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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