Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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