Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
