Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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