Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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