im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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