apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
