We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize