Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
