Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
