Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
