Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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