whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
