just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
