Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
