Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
