I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
