That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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