Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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