In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
