i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
