Duck Duck Cougar?
it hurts more in the daytime
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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