Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
