Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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