if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
