grandma shit on top of the toilet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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