My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
