In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
