Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
