fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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