In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
