my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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