He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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