I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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