I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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