would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
