I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
