I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
