My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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