I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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