Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
