you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
