my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Green mimosas i think yes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
