So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
