You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im part way to drunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
