dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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