At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I want is dick and wine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
