I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
