i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
