fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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