two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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