Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
