sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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