So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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