I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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