Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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