I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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